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This year marks a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” hit the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a partner without explanation seemed like the peak of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the decade since, seeking a significant other has only become more perplexing – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Zoomers, a generation who came of age during a social isolation crisis, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their Gen Y predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a detailed breakdown to the words gen Z is using to discuss romance, sex and the search of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it lacks “wokefishing”.

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A

Realness – According to gen Z, romance's ideal is showing up as your true, raw self. You'll need it with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend connected to a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is interested or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Mysterious girlfriend – Zoomers' answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner puts herself first while oozing enigma and self-sufficiency. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This signifies choosing someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a chair for you to sit down.

Choremance – A outing where two people form a link while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke twentysomethings do affordable dating in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a crush or split, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie affluence, it refers to partners who choose against parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

The Letter E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Indicators

• Red flags – Personal quirks suggesting a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These quirks confirm your decision to pursue a partner. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely benign idiosyncrasies. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their purse, paying the rent in physical money …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing builds closeness faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men likes.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a period of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so fixated with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, intentionally postponing orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An archetype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and frequently trivial dealbreakers that immediately kill any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an incredibly thoughtful act.

J

Careers – These have not been this crucial in the romance landscape since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance authentic.

Light catfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more important than it is. Also known as {